Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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