I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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