I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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