So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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