so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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