I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize