I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize