I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's never too late to be topless.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize