Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize