i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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