my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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