allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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