4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
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Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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