I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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