I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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