Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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