saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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