There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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