Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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