so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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