i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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