Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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