one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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