Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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