You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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