He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize