Im at strip club and am horny
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize