If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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