Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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