I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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