But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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