Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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