I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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