tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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