I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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