I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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