I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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