Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i think my cat just said my name.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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