What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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