dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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