I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize