I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize