so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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