Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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