My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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