I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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