How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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