I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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