your parents love me but you hate me
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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