i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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